I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
