If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
