the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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