did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Randomize