his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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