You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
