Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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