fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
