And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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