i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
