when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize