You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
