i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
