..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
