How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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