no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
The adults are the big ones right?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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