whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize