dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
