Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize