I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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