When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Is her dick bigger than yours?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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