I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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