Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
