why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
