i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
