I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
