I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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