Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize