i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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