He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
My vagina just recognized that song.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
