Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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