there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
