y did u give ur computer a hand job?
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
