so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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