It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
