My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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