He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
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