Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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