My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
