I puked a lego.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
