There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
