wakey wakey hands off snakey
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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