Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize