Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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