My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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