I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
