Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
