i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
