I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
