she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize