its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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