i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
