i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
