The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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