she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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