I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
