He is such a slut. More and more my type.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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