did you get engaged???
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
