this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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