Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
