How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
