Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize