whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize