In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
