While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
