I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
