what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
