My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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