Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
