Your mouth is God's brothel.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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