Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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