my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
its liver damage thursday
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
