I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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