Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
