so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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