Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize