I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
