somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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