Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
