he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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