Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
BRING THE BAGELS
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
