I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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